PRAYING FOR THE DAWN WHICH ECHOES NOTHING BUT TRUE HAPPINESS TO BESTOW UPON ME

“If happiness is staged with heights of liability, falling into one which is a mirage seems a wiser choice”

A life filled with liabilities is for all to endure, dreams get bigger, and goals get greater. I live with the thoughts of making the impossible into reality. There will be many sacrifices, dumb some may echo, but worthiness is what I smell.

There is no simple life neither a mediocre one, there is only rich or poor. Rich leads a happy and good life while poor leads one that they need to fight over the leftover bread in the bakery. I learnt this in this couple of months. I saw the fearful reality that humans seem to hide from their very own senses.

Million thanks for mates that made me see and understand this, dragging me out of the field that I was farming. “We have too many goals to achieve, all else can wait” simple yet enlightening from one whom share the same grains as me, we are of a kind and that is all I need to know.

Once again, thoughts are flooding through my gates, nothing of emotions or relationships, but for success that is so sweet which I yearn every single second.

Normal Being with Random Thoughts,

Wilx

“The corals in the sea can never feel the heat of the sun, as though the likes of two humans who travel on parallel that are destined not to be.”

Problems seems to be always weighing us down, burying us in the thoughts of sorrow and unknowingly we come to a standstill, circling for a time beyond clock hence forgetting the aspirations and dreams we once adore.

Physical situations were history, emotional thoughts unleashes. In real fact, we may be just dwelling on hopes that were long history.

The sentence from elementary “Learning from the past, apply on the future”, surface on my train of thoughts.

Thoughts are straighten with emotions under lock n key, carefree is what I yearn, for the dreams that I wish to bury. I love to be love and “you” are not forgotten, but left in my heart as a catalyst that forms a kinesis force that drives me on.

We will never know how deep the sea is till we touch the corals on the bed; neither will we know how high the sky is till we feel the heat of the sun. There is no limit in our lives but is one I live to test.

“Nothing is forever and all happiness is short lived which comes to an end” Take a step back in life, and evidence of it surfaces.

Mates whom are trying hard to prolong that dying happiness, perhaps someone up there has other plans for it and letting it go may be it’s only  route of revival. Stop circling in the thoughts of yr own and swimming in a pool of infinity, walk out of the mist that blinds you tolead a life that is truly yours, carefree with happiness and bliss….

“Words are mine to narrate, actions are yours to take”

Normal Being with Random Thoughts

Wilx

“Your eyes are telling a story which captivates my senses, leaving me stark before the naked eyes of love…”

A path of no return was formed with pastures of happiness, reign of hope lit the route, and unknowingly I am strolling on it with a smile that was long forsaken. Fear of pain still lingers, but my emotions took the lead with my senses left behind.

“Love like you never had been hurt” a quote which is still vivid in my mind…

Life with your presence became a habit I adore, and a second of separation forms a montage painting the future which I yearn for. In my life you are rooted, quitting seems to be the worst I could imagine.

The power of love, or the beautiful pain…

It’s been a while since I had a feeling of such, it’s the greatest feeling that one can ever indulge in. But as usual, someone up there seems to be pulling a fast one on me, it came and vanishes with just a blink of eyes. Just when I made my way to cloud nine, he throws me back down to six feet under.

When I was wondering what on earth I have done wrong, I chance upon a sentence that hit me right on my senses… “It’s not what you have done wrong, but what you have not done right”.

Persistence may be painful but that is where I shall concede… 

“If missing you is a sin, I shall live in adamant that hell is where I belong”

Normal being with random thoughts

I miss you…

Wilx

“Walking through a route filled with obstacles which draws fatigue that shattered my emotions… glimpse of light before my eyes is the only hope and reaching it makes me a man of greater resistance.”

I tend to hear mates asking me why are their life is as such, with shit piling up one after another and why must they be the one going through all these. Seldom have I heard mates mentioning to me how good their life is, how happy they are and thank the great one up there for giving them what they have.

Well, this triggers me with waves of thoughts. Life is filled with up and downs, we as humans tend to dwell on how bad state are we in and forgetting the good times we once had, when things are going our way and getting the best out of life. Of course, I do hope that life will always maintain at its peak, but I guess it is almost impossible that will happen. That’s life I reckon.

A story to share…

“There was once an adventurer who wishes to conquer the 3 highest mountains in the world, he decided to go with the simplest mountain first, with much ease, he reaches the peak of the mountain, after a while, he finds that it isn’t that fantastic at all hence went down the mountain and prepare to conquer the 2^nd mountain. This time he found himself struggling a bit but managed to reach the peak of the mountain. The scenery was phenomenon and he decided to stay. After a few months, he started to wonder how the scenery of the 3^rd mountain will look like. One fine day when curiosity overwhelmed him, he decided to leave the 2^nd mountain for the 3^rd mountain. The route to the peak was tedious and the adventurer almost loses his life a few times, but luckily he pulled through and reaches the peak of the mountain. When he finally set foot at the peak of the mountain, he was blow away by the beauty of what he sees up there. Finally he decided to stay on the mountain the rest of his life…. After many years after his death, with the modern science technology, men found out that the height of all 3 mountains are actually the same, just that the route towards the peak was of a different scale… “

With that, I leave it to you guys to dwell upon…

“Life is not all about the beautiful ending, but the journey that leads to the ending”

Normal Being with Random Thoughts…

Wilx

 “I am willing to pay the price of my life where others won’t even pay a penny, shall bear the pain of a million stabs where others will just leave it in the lurch of death…”

Their eyes detest my actions, leaving me in a stream of isolation. Their thoughts are unified with mine out casted. I am left to walk on against the flow of current, each step is hideous with traps that sends be back to where I started.

Like all humans, I am faced with tsunami of problems, choices which wave after wave, banging down on me. I have no other alternatives but to face it right up, that’s the only way of survivor. On lookers gives ton of comments, and as humans we dwell for what they call the “best” sorted solution. Is there really a best solution? Is there really a right or wrong? I beg to differ, a solution is one that solves the problem, there is no right or wrong, neither it comes with the “best” that one deem to be.

Choices are mine to make, I dictate the right and wrong. What is worthy to me may seem nothing to you, the pebble in your eyes shines like a diamond in mine. One you deem of as Frankenstein is an angel in my mind. I believe in myself and that’s the way it shall be, seize your words wisdom, as it is nothing to me but fertilizers to the soil.  

I used to live a life in the shadows of responsibilities and people whom I am responsible to. I tried every possible in satisfying the needs of others, trying my best to earn an Oscar in whatever role I play. But at the end of the day, turn out those things isn’t the way it should be… So what have I done wrong?

I do agree the fact that we need to act responsibly, I learnt that I am the dictator of my life, as long as I am responsible to myself that is when I am responsible to others.

And to me… that is enough for a time that will seized in a few tens.

Normal being with random thoughts…

Wilx

“One wrong ingredient spoils the soup, one foul emotion kill the day”

Our mind is constantly filled to the brim with numerous things, emotions, feelings, memories of work, love, family, financial and many more. Most of these are beautiful and happy moments with a few that are undesirable. But how often are we in a state of happiness instead of dwelling in a world of undesirable dismay which makes us “emotional”?

Perhaps life is just like a crate of apples which one bad and rotten affects the entire lot.

In recent weeks, a weird feeling sends a chill down my spine, I feel as though myself drowning in a sea of thoughts, struggling to surface for a grasp of fresh air. But whenever I made my way to the top, before I can get a mouthful, the next wave of emotion send me back down. I don’t drown as I still have the half mouthful which keeps me just surviving. But the constant lack of fresh air, putting me through this painful cycle of life.  

So what is drowning me? Perhaps it is the setbacks and dismays that are inevitable in life. The bulk of it is made up of commitments, responsibilities, failed relationships and bad experiences. The sick thing is that these ordeals seem to be ever mutating and we are always a millisecond slow, which explains the ordeal we need to go through again and again.  

There are only two things in life which prevent me from drowning. One is my love ones which include my family, “her” as well as the few mates whom deserve it. The other is something I name “HOPE”, I can’t exactly put in writing what exactly this means, vaguely this is something which I think will bring me the happiness I am seeking for, something that will pull me out of this cycle of painful ordeal.  

In my little theatre of emotion, it is currently screening my “life” tug-of-war. One which I won’t know how long the airtime is neither I know if the ending is going to be happily ever after.

“The script of life- One that can’t be written by pen and ink, but tears and happiness”

A normal being with random thoughts

Wilx

“Fluctuating thoughts besieged my senses, putting me through a roller coaster ride of emotions”

Just as I thought that I was riding on the clouds of heaven nine, soaring through the open skies… but just with a blink of eyes, I found myself in a ditch of six feet under, struggling to release myself from the clutches of painful reality and past memories… 

I once convinced myself that I will be strong, controlling my emotions and do what my brain heeds me to, I know that there is no two way, and this is my only route of revival. However, “Evil” thoughts tend to flow through my gate of emotions, wearing down my defense day by day. Fatigue now sets the motion, and my senses are starting to fade away.

I am tired… really tired to be the strong one… to be the sensible one that all perceived me to be. The ever ascending burden seems to be weighing down on me, bit by bit, I feel nearer to the ground. How much more before the towel is thrown, it’s really beyond me and I wonder…

I share nothing with my mates and family, I am sorry but that’s the naked self of me, one who only flaunts the beautiful feathers that are superficial and material. I am one who believes in no one. I was carved as such since day one and the painful experiences that befall upon me did not help but forge it even stronger.

The ironic thing is, despite my given character, I am still a being and a very normal one indeed. I am too yearning for the angel whom I can trust and rely upon, one whom I can share my happiness and woes, one who can rekindle the drive that had forsaken me. I know it maybe as though searching for a needle in a hay, but even if it takes me to sail the seven seas, I shall and will be patient as I am positive that this angel of mine will reveal her halo which will eventually guide me out of this dark and cold forest of dismay and pain…

 I pray for the happiness to bestow upon me…

“Even if it takes me all the way to my last grasp, I will be patient and shall live with no regrets”

A normal being with random thoughts…

Wilx

“When moments of our heart desire leads to a moment of folly, thoughts turn actions with consequences left to swallow”

Our mind is rational while our heart is impulsive. We know what is right and what is not, but don’t we tend to unknowingly adhere to the command of our heart and leave for our desire to strike. Doing  things impulsively, high chance that we end up with dire consequences that we already knew it is bound to be, but why do we still go ahead to act on the moment of folly?

Perhaps it’s the thrill and excitement of walking on tight ropes… or perhaps humans are just darn stubborn and not appreciative enough for what he/she already has…  

I guess all beings including myself tend to act on such impulsiveness that leads to consequences which we dread to face. For mates who are drowning in this game of “folly”, stop trying to guess the height of the sky but start measuring how deep you have sank.

I am not a saint as I have always said, I played this game of “folly” and got burnt emotionally, and I pulled out in time with my wounds are still in the midst of healing with time ticking on. I appreciate for the chance to heal, and will not take it for granted as I know chances don’t come twice…

Consequences are for us to bear, but the pain inflicted on our love ones is ten folds more. We ask for it and we got nothing to complain but the ones we love did nothing criminal to deserve these trauma. Maybe… Just maybe, the thoughts of pain that will be inflicted on ones we adore and love will stop us from these moments of “folly”…

I pray… I hope… I ponder…

“My world is beautiful while yours is dark as my eyes are open to others while yours is tainted with a layer of selfishness… I hear the birds chirping while you complain of hearing nothing as I stop to listen while you decide to hear nothing but your own desire…”

A normal being with random thoughts…

Wilx

“A moment is all it takes, to create a memory of eternal happiness”

Tell me what you want and how can I make you happy? I will buy you the biggest diamond in the world, all the LVs in the boutique and the freshest flowers in the nursery…

Sounds spastic? It is the reality of today’s material world, we tend to think that only material things can make us happy and others delighted, think again…Do you ponder over the Gucci that forsake you after the relationship end, or the one whom you once share all the beautiful memories with?  

I speak for myself and I don’t mind if there is no Christmas present, or just a kiss for valentine, or I ask for is…

“A day spend together, reading our favorite novels on each side of our bed while having regular glances that sweetens the day, making a meal together that savor our palates, holding our hands to do the dishes and ending of the day snuggling of the couch watching a drama that will bore the world… that’s all I am asking for, a moment that we can call -ours.”

I took a step back and asked myself, what I have done wrong to put me in this current state of mine? For mates who know my story, you guys told me that she wasn’t the one meant for me and she was nothing but of material and plastic. To be frank, never once had I blamed her as I made her that way, I have no one but myself to blame and perhaps it was the “greed” and “temptation” that I put in her that overwhelmed her senses of “appreciate”.

“Appreciating glazes a moment with a layer of sweetness that creates beautiful memories”

A normal being with random thoughts

Wilx

“Giver make the effort, receiver take for granted”

All that we give ends up with nothing but a sentence which concludes “I am sorry, you are a good gf/bf, but we are not meant to be, sorry”.

It is common that in relationships to have a giver and the other a receiver, but how many times did this work out to nothing? I wonder, at least mine didn’t work out for me…

Givers never take the effort of doing as a chore, but something of willingness for the one who he or she loves. Waking an hour before to make sure your love has an additional 15mins,  waiting for a call till wee when she’s out even if you have a meeting next morning, making sure she have her meals and bring her one if she don’t… the list goes on and on..

 Life of a giver, fate of one… (By AT)

I guess life as a giver is trying every single moment to be the perfect gf/bf in the heart of one which is more than his/her life, but no matter what is done, it seems to be like a quicksand, never ending, ever sinking, deeper and deeper.  

Pessimistic it may seem, but life is unfair and I understood that since elementary, I don’t blame on anyone but myself for the pain which I self inflicted, the pain that unknowingly mounts when I sank dept by dept into this quicksand of love.

I have been pondering over sleepless nights over why can’t I just be the receiver to refrain me from all these pain? BUT I guess I am who I am, same for u AT (I know you will be reading this), it is only right I give my all, keeping to my belief of love, and perhaps, just perhaps the one whom share the same thoughts of giving, will cross my path of love…  I pray…

“Praying for the dawn which echoes nothing but happiness to bestow upon me”

A normal being with random thoughts

Wilx